What Sustains You?

The grassy field spread out in front of us, as we stood underneath a large tree to the side of the field. At the center of the field, a soccer game took place. There we were, existing in the margins, gathered for the Take Back the Night rally, organized against gender-based violence. bell hooks, an author and human rights activist, argues “[marginality] is…the site of radical possibility, a space of resistance” in her book Out There: Marginalization and Contemporary Cultures (341). And that’s what we were and are, that small group of people underneath the tree, taking up a space of resistance, the site of radical possibility.

Within that space under the tree, we learned about local community organizations working against gender-based violence. Some individuals chose to recount their experience as a survivor of sexual violence, and others performed songs or skits as a way to relay their stance on the issue. Morgan Harrington’s mother Gill Harrington, founder of Help Save the Next Girl, spoke about her dedication to raise awareness of gender-based violence through prevention education. Missing teen Alexis Murphy’s aunt Trina Murphy also shared the same sentiments as Gill Harrington in providing information to combat gender-based violence and abductions. The Keynote Speaker at the rally was Gordon Braxton, a 2002 U.Va. alum who is the founder of the blog Allied Thought: A Blog on Manhood and Gendered Violence Prevention. Braxton stated that the focus of his speech was to get more individuals, especially those standing on the “fence” about sexual assault prevention advocacy, involved in advocating for the end of gender-based violence. While trying to get allies to participate in advocacy work, he observed, “If you listen to what is being said, what’s being asked of you aren’t necessarily big things to do.” And isn’t that true? As advocates and activists, we are asking for people to stand on the margins with us, whether it be for a night at the Take Back the Night vigil or belonging to a group on Grounds that promotes sexual assault prevention or telling someone why the rape joke they just made isn’t funny.  Braxton’s view of advocacy resembles a quote I learned while participating in Green Dot, a national bystander intervention program related to power-based violence prevention, “No one has to do everything, but everyone has to do something.”  The smallest action paired with all of the actions taken in an activist movement propels the initiative forward.

Here is one of my friends, Gordon Braxton, and me posing for a picture after the Take Back the Night rally.

Recently, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what sustains me as an advocate. My answer isn’t an easy one nor am I fully sure of it, but I do know that the work I participate in is work I believe in. The work is emotionally draining.  It is tough, not being able to ignore the systems of power in place, not being able to be ignorant. At times, this space of resistance can feel lonely, but then, I remember all of those individuals participating in advocacy work and realize the site of radical possibility in which I stand.  Advocacy work is transformational.

After this academic year at U.Va., I wanted to leave Charlottesville for the summer, I wanted to not focus so much on sexual assault prevention. I wanted space to breathe, time to take a step back. However, I received an opportunity to stay in Charlottesville and work on a project that will digitally archive the history of sexual assault at U.Va. I wanted this opportunity so badly, yet I hesitated when I received the e-mail from the internship director about her interest in hiring me. I thought about the offer I was given to return to Montreat for a third summer, to work with preschool-aged children. With the internship, I knew I would have to stay in Charlottesville, to focus on the history of sexual assault at the University.  And, ultimately, I declined Montreat because I know that the internship opportunity is working toward changing the culture of U.Va., toward setting a precedent for other colleges and universities to own their history and to make sure history does not repeat itself.  After spending my past two summers in Montreat, where I met great friends and incredible families, my decision to decline my contract was difficult, but I know that my choice to stay in Charlottesville is one based on what I want to see happen in the future at the University, on what I see myself working on in the future: gender-based issues.  So, thank you to everyone who has supported me along the way.

Silencing Myself

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I received a thoughtful and amazing gift from my aunt this Christmas.  It was a clutch filled with quotes, and I want to share these quotes with you through different posts.  We shall see what becomes of it!

Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn. ~John Wesley

Lately, I’ve been in a bit of an internal struggle.  I have this way about me that just wants to please everyone and make everyone happy.  As you could probably guess, this want gets me in trouble with myself at times.  I tend to keep my mouth closed, even though what is being said is rubbing me the wrong way.  I have a fear that if I speak up, then I will really tick some people off, I will come off as too headstrong, I won’t come off clearly, or honestly, I may sound stupid.  So, I silence myself.

When I truly talk about my opinions, it is usually with someone who I know will agree.  I try to avoid conflict.  The rare times I do debate with someone, I always feel an urge to stop speaking, an urge to quiet down.  I speak more so to my friends than in large group settings.  I fear that others might get a wrong impression of me and judge me for it.  So, I silence myself.

However, I enjoy discussion.  I enjoy asking questions that may have no right answer.  I enjoy thinking, I really do, and I find myself looking for this quality in my friends more and more.  I enjoy our conversations about the world around us.  Honestly, I think  a lot of people fear speaking up because a vulnerability exists by voicing an opinion.  There are some people who will agree with you, there are some people who won’t, but to make a change or get others thinking one must offer up his opinion.

At some point this fear has got to stop bothering me, though.  One of my good friends told me the other night, “You are going to have to learn how to speak up if you want to be an activist.”  At first, I was taken aback.  The more I thought about it, the more I knew she was right.  There are times I feel that I have failed myself and my convictions when I remain silence.  A part of me is hurt because I am silent.  If I plan on making a change in this world, I cannot be silent.  I am going to have to let my voice be heard.  I don’t have to be this radical person when I voice my opinions, but I do have to say something.

And, this is the point where I relate the quote above to everything.  I am enthusiastic about so many things, and I have opinions on it all.  Not everyone will agree with me all the time, and I am going to have to work on knowing that it is not the end of the world.  Everyone has their own opinion, no matter what.  But, if I am so impassioned about something, then I can impassion others.  At the end of the day, if I believe in something, then I will believe in my voice.