What Sustains You?

The grassy field spread out in front of us, as we stood underneath a large tree to the side of the field. At the center of the field, a soccer game took place. There we were, existing in the margins, gathered for the Take Back the Night rally, organized against gender-based violence. bell hooks, an author and human rights activist, argues “[marginality] is…the site of radical possibility, a space of resistance” in her book Out There: Marginalization and Contemporary Cultures (341). And that’s what we were and are, that small group of people underneath the tree, taking up a space of resistance, the site of radical possibility.

Within that space under the tree, we learned about local community organizations working against gender-based violence. Some individuals chose to recount their experience as a survivor of sexual violence, and others performed songs or skits as a way to relay their stance on the issue. Morgan Harrington’s mother Gill Harrington, founder of Help Save the Next Girl, spoke about her dedication to raise awareness of gender-based violence through prevention education. Missing teen Alexis Murphy’s aunt Trina Murphy also shared the same sentiments as Gill Harrington in providing information to combat gender-based violence and abductions. The Keynote Speaker at the rally was Gordon Braxton, a 2002 U.Va. alum who is the founder of the blog Allied Thought: A Blog on Manhood and Gendered Violence Prevention. Braxton stated that the focus of his speech was to get more individuals, especially those standing on the “fence” about sexual assault prevention advocacy, involved in advocating for the end of gender-based violence. While trying to get allies to participate in advocacy work, he observed, “If you listen to what is being said, what’s being asked of you aren’t necessarily big things to do.” And isn’t that true? As advocates and activists, we are asking for people to stand on the margins with us, whether it be for a night at the Take Back the Night vigil or belonging to a group on Grounds that promotes sexual assault prevention or telling someone why the rape joke they just made isn’t funny.  Braxton’s view of advocacy resembles a quote I learned while participating in Green Dot, a national bystander intervention program related to power-based violence prevention, “No one has to do everything, but everyone has to do something.”  The smallest action paired with all of the actions taken in an activist movement propels the initiative forward.

Here is one of my friends, Gordon Braxton, and me posing for a picture after the Take Back the Night rally.

Recently, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what sustains me as an advocate. My answer isn’t an easy one nor am I fully sure of it, but I do know that the work I participate in is work I believe in. The work is emotionally draining.  It is tough, not being able to ignore the systems of power in place, not being able to be ignorant. At times, this space of resistance can feel lonely, but then, I remember all of those individuals participating in advocacy work and realize the site of radical possibility in which I stand.  Advocacy work is transformational.

After this academic year at U.Va., I wanted to leave Charlottesville for the summer, I wanted to not focus so much on sexual assault prevention. I wanted space to breathe, time to take a step back. However, I received an opportunity to stay in Charlottesville and work on a project that will digitally archive the history of sexual assault at U.Va. I wanted this opportunity so badly, yet I hesitated when I received the e-mail from the internship director about her interest in hiring me. I thought about the offer I was given to return to Montreat for a third summer, to work with preschool-aged children. With the internship, I knew I would have to stay in Charlottesville, to focus on the history of sexual assault at the University.  And, ultimately, I declined Montreat because I know that the internship opportunity is working toward changing the culture of U.Va., toward setting a precedent for other colleges and universities to own their history and to make sure history does not repeat itself.  After spending my past two summers in Montreat, where I met great friends and incredible families, my decision to decline my contract was difficult, but I know that my choice to stay in Charlottesville is one based on what I want to see happen in the future at the University, on what I see myself working on in the future: gender-based issues.  So, thank you to everyone who has supported me along the way.

Do Not Guffaw

Trigger Warning: sexual assault, hazing

As I sat there, staring at the screen, I knew that I was using my Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies knowledge to dissect each scene.  When I went into the theater, I did not know how critical I was going to be, yet I was sitting there analyzing minute to minute what was unfolding before me.  Yes, I understand the movie is a comedy and definitely an exaggeration, and I will admit, I did laugh quite a few times.  However, I was silent during a part of the movie when the audience erupted with laughter, during a part that was not funny, during a part that was extremely serious.

In one of the scenes from Neighbors, Seth Rogen’s character, his wife, and their friend are trying to figure out how to get their disrespectful and disruptive fraternity brother neighbors to move.  Rogen wonders aloud something along the lines of, “What is something that can get fraternities in big trouble?”  His friend responds, “Rape!”  But Rogen’s character says, “No, hazing!”  During this dialogue, several viewers started laughing.  I was appalled and astounded by the reaction the crowd had around me.  I whispered to my friend, “This is a very real thing that happens.  Why are people laughing?”

Both rape and hazing are issues at fraternities, and people need to stop acting apathetic towards these issues.  I was upset by the laughter of the audience because I go to a university where both of these horrible acts are a reality, and hazing rituals and sexual assault are sometimes linked.  Now, let me ask this, “Why do these horrible acts keep happening?  Why does it seem that American society’s attitude towards these issues has become one of immunity?  Why were those people laughing in the audience?”

At the end of my spring semester, I was already asking myself these questions, especially as two fraternities’ charters were suspended, allegedly due to hazing rituals.  I heard the horrifying story of another fraternity implementing gang rape as part of the hazing process.  Moreover, I am aware that some of the individuals in friendships and relationships I have made are survivors of sexual assault.  When sexual assault affects those you love, those you interact with on a regular basis, those who’s stories have been shared with you, you know that it is not a laughing matter.  I was enraged that those few lines in Neighbors elicited such a giddy response.  If a theater of people are laughing, then what is going on in society, what is being taught, what viewpoint is out there?

The disappointment I felt when laughter filled the theater when such serious, truthful words were being spoken was high.  By attending a university where sexual assault and hazing are serious offenses and issues, I know the reality of their occurrence.  By being close to people who are survivors of sexual assault, I know the reality of the occurrence.  Awareness is so important in realizing the reality of such situations, and I know that there are some amazing people out there who are raising awareness.  For you, I am grateful.  Additionally, I want to take a moment to applaud those who have worked hard at my university, other universities, and in their lives to raise awareness of such issues.  You exhibit a strength and knowledge that is powerful, and I thank you so much for your work.  My hope is that awareness will continue to be raised and that guffawing at sexual assault will cease to exist.